Double Vision
by ricken
Summary: In courtesy of Token, he and his friends are going on a trip around the world. Can someone say North Park beach party, secret missions, and Mexican food? Story is more detailed than summary; different POV's. Various pairings.
1. Baconater, Bitches

Title: Double Vision

Rating: T

Summary: My first story in this fandom c: In courtesy of Token, he and his friends are going on a trip around the world. Can someone say North Park beach party, secret missions, and Mexican food? Story is more detailed than summary; different POV's.

Warnings: Language… But hey, this is South Park. More things to come…

Pairings: There's a whole variety, but some last only for a little while. (Drama!)

A/N: Got this idea on my mind for quite a while, just didn't know how to start. ^u^ Enjoy, and if things don't make sense for some reason, remember, it's just a story. C: And don't forget to review, please! If you want.

The usual: We all know the two fabulous people who own South Park… All I own is a Kenny plushie and a sticker.

_We're gonna stay up, ain't gonna lay low,_

_We're gonna dance all night because we say so._

_Double Vision, 3oh!3_

x—Clyde's POV—x

I, Clyde, Donavon, is on a top-secret mission. Well, it's not so secret _anymore,_ but whatever.

Wait for it…To get my yearbook signed by Craig Tucker.

Hey, don't give me that look! What kind of best friend doesn't sign their other best friend's yearbook? I guess that's Craig for ya. But still…

Why is this so important, you ask? Uh, it has nothing to do with me wanting to feel popular, I think.

Anyways, I skipped over to Craig, who was hanging out with Tweek and Token. (Because skipping is _soo _manly.)

Hey, you know in those Legend of Zelda games where you open the treasure chest and it somehow lights up and cool music plays when Link does that super-fast spinning thing and you get the treasure? Like, "du du du DUUUUUU!" But not when it's just some Rupees, it just makes this…not so dramatic…sound… but who cares about the Rupees, anyways?

But yeah, on the way to where Craig was standing, I was playing the dramatic-Zelda-treasure chest-opening- music in my head. I think I might've sung it too, I don't know. It made the situation way cooler.

"Yo, Craig!" I called. "Sign my yearbook?"

With his famous blank stare, he looked at me, then the book, then the pen… then flipped the bird.

"No."

"Aww, why not?" I think my conscience just told me to stop whining, but I don't listen to it much.

"Because."

"But I need it! That way, I'll remember you guys forever and ever and memories and something like that! Come on, Craig!"

He sighed. "Fine, have it your way." He grabbed the pen, scribbled something on some random page, and shoved the book in my hands. After that, he and the rest of Those Guys left.

I grinned, opening the book, while playing the dramatic music in my head (again.) Turns out he signed the page with the entire 9th grade class on it, how perfect! The black marks he made were pretty easy to spot.

"FUCK YOU. "

Okay, not what I expected… but coming from Craig, that means he loveees you. It's just his way of showing it, y'know? Coming from anyone else, well, that's a different story.

x- X-x

I probably forgot to mention… Today's June 13th! Also known as, the day we don't have to come to this dreaded, uh, _prison_ ever again. Well, at least for 3 months. But hey, it's better than nothing!

Everyone's all excited, chilling in the parking lot, talking about what they're gonna do over the 3 months of summer. Me? Well since you asked, kind sir… I'm gonna be busy every single day, hanging out with my friends, going to parties, and-

Aw, who am I kidding? I'm not what you consider a 'popular' person. With my fame, I'll be spending my precious days on my computer, playing Robot Unicorn Attack and eating delicious Mexican food. Like tacos. Mmm, tacos.

Right now, me and the rest of Those Guys (Tweek, Craig, and Token) are walking around outside the school and just, y'know, hanging out. But in all honesty, all I want right now is a beef gordita with extra cheese. Mmm, cheese. I was still thinking about Mexican food when a voice came outta nowhere.

"Sup, you guys?" It was Stan, head of the football team, and boyfriend of the obnoxious Wendy Testaburger. I know I shouldn't be dissing on ladies like that, but it's true! Ask ANYONE out there (except Stan, of course.) And there wouldn't be Stan without Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman tagging along.

"GAH!" yelled Tweek. No surprise there, really.

"Nothing much, just discussing our plans and stuff. Not exciting as you think, though."

"I see. I'm not doing much, either."

"Sucks to be you guys! I'll be away from this redneck town and off to Vegas, most importantly, away from you people! And I get to play strip poker and I'll probably get lucky and win lots of cash and I won't share with any of you-"

"Shut up, fatass! yelled Kyle and his fiery temper. "No one wants to see you strip!" We all burst into laughter. Except Cartman, of course. I seriously wonder why we hang out with him…

Token scoffed. "Pfft, that's nothing! I'm going on a cruise around the world, including North Park- the one in California? And the only place you're going is Nevada." In case you haven't noticed, he's filthy stinkin' rich. Maybe it's because his father's a lawyer, but that's just me.

Unfortunately, he probably shouldn't have shared that information with us. Because we were all looking at him with these hungry 'take-me-with-you' eyes. Rich-boy sighed.

"No."

"Aw, come on! Do you want us to be bored all summer?" I whined.

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Yes?"

"No!"

"But it'll be fun! Right, guys?" I looked over to the rest of my gang. Tweek looked like he was gonna die from 'pressure,' and Craig had a blank face as usual. I don't think they were very good at convincing.

"GAH! O-Oh Jesus, the pressure! What if t-the ship sinks? We're gonna die! Or what if the government were in cahoots with the Underpants Gnomes? And they w-were ON the ship! And they'll k-kill us and throw us o-overboard! Or what if- THERE ISN'T ANY C-COFFEE MACHINES?" I just adore Tweek's imagination, but right now it wasn't helping very much. I watched as he took a sip- no, a gulp- of coffee.

"Hey, Stan!" said Wendy. But not casual, more like lovey-dovey. I wanted to puke, but that's Stan's job.

"Hey, babe!" he said, putting his arm around her shoulder. She giggled; I mentally barfed.

"So, what are you guys up to?" asked Wendy.

"Oh nothing much, it's just that Token is going on a cruise and leaving us here," said Craig, in that monotone voice of his. It's kinda cool, actually.

"A cruise? That sounds way better than what I'm doing," she said. "So, how come you're not inviting _us_?"

"Yeah Token, why not?" I mimicked, in a faux girly voice. He rolled his eyes.

"Because, for your information, I really don't want to bring a dumbass, spaz, hot-head, bitch, asshole, fatass, pervert, and another asshole with me around the world," he said. "No offence or anything, though."

"Yeah sure, none taken," spat Kyle, though clearly he took some.

"EY! Who are ya callin' fat, I'm _big-boned_!" yelled the fatass.

"I am _not _a bitch!" glared Wendy.

"OH JESUS!" screamed Tweek.

"…So, who's the dumbass?" I asked.

Stan just rolled his eyes.

Craig flipped him off.

"Aww, thank you!" said Kenny, smiling. At least he admits it…

"Don't forget 'slutty whore' and 'geek'," said Cartman, looking towards Bebe and Kevin, who was heading our direction. I understand that Kevin wants to see his amazing best friend (MEEE) but I wasn't sure why Bebe was here. Oh well.

She just rolled her gorgeous blue eyes, while Kevin looked kinda hurt. Wait, did I say 'gorgeous'? Dammit.

"Point is," began Token, "I don't want any drama, save that for school. And since school is _over_, I think it's about time I get away from it all."

"We'll be good?" begged Bebe.

"Yeah, right!"

"Uh, is that a yes?" I asked.

"No! You guys can't come, end of discussion! Plus, my ride's here, so I need to go. I'm leaving on the 15th, so don't even think about asking me again!" he called towards us, while running towards the limo. Hmph. he could've at least said something like 'Have a nice summer.'

I was just about to forget about it when Bebe asked us what she missed. Wendy told her everything.

"Hey," said Kevin, grinning at me. I smiled back. "Sup, Stoley?" He was about to answer, but Wendy finished explaining to Bebe what happened.

"That's like, not fair!" she pouted. "What did _we_ ever do to him?"

"I dunno, but something tells me he's not changing his mind." Stan kicked at a rock on the ground.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the 2 bodacious blondes share the same devious look. I don't know about you, but that has 'trouble' written all over it! Not literally, though.

"You know what? This _will_ be a summer to remember. Meet us at Bebe's house tomorrow at 1, kay'?" Said Kenny. _Told you so._

After flashing another one of his creepy grins, Kenny started walking away from us. "Bus is here, time to go."

The bus ride was awfully quiet (except for Tweek's occasional "GAH!")

What on earth did those two mischievous blondes have in mind?

x—(still) Clyde's POV –x

AWW YEAH. I'm at Bebe's house. Do you know how long I've been waiting for this day to happen? Never mind.

Everyone else was here too, just like Kenny said. And by 'everyone else', I'm referring to Kenny, Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Wendy, Craig, Tweek, Kevin, me, and even Butters. I'm not even gonna ask. We were lounging in Bebe's living room, some on the couch, some on the floor. Actually, I'm the only one on the floor…

"Okay, we're all here, now tell us about your 'wonderful' idea." said Craig.

"Well, I'm glad you asked!' said Kenny, grinning. "You guys wanted to get on the cruise, right? I mean, who couldn't resist free food? I mean, I was thinking that maybe we could, you know, _sneak in?_"

I'm surprised, who knew he had it in him? We all looked at eachother, some in agreement, some nervous, and some excited. But what are we gonna do, just waltz in there when no one's looking? What about tickets and stuff? Oh well, that stuff is way too complicated…

"Let's do it!" cried Bebe, clapping her hands together.

Butters looked uncertain. "I-I don't know, fellas, isn't that, I dunno, _illegal_? Oh hamburgers, I don't wanna get caught, I might get _grounded!_"

Kenny laughed. 'Don't worry Butters. It's not illegal. Not sure about the grounding part, though… might wanna ask your parents."

"Oh…ok! What about you, Tweek?" Being outsiders, they both became close friends.

"GAH! The pressure, man, the _pressure_! We'll g-get caught, and remember t-the Gnomes? T-they'll throw us _overboard_!" Craig patted his twitching head while he took some more gulps of coffee.

"I'll take that as a "Go for it!" Now, how about you, my fine lady?"

Stan protectively put his arm around her as Wendy glared. "Don't call me 'your' lady ever again, and I'll go with it."

Kenny smiled. 'Nice choice. Okay, what about you four?"

"Uh… I guess… if my mom says I could," said Kyle, nervously. Being 16, I can't believe he's still scared of his own mother. Kenny rolled his eyes. "Next."

"Are you kidding me? Of course not! I'm not spending my summer with YOU freaks! Like I said, _I'm_ going to _Vegas_!" said- Well, you all know who said this.

"Are you sure? Won't you get all _lonely_?" teased Stan. "Who else would hang out with you anyways?" The fatass glared at him.

"Well, of course not! I have a whole bunch of friends, like, uh…" He thought for a bit. "Clyde frog!"

After we all stared at him with a look of disbelief (except me, since I have Eric teddy bear) Cartman and his pathetic self finally gave in. "Okay, _okay_! I'll come with you on your stupid trip. And it's not because I'm lonely, it's because… I wanna go to the North Park beach party!"

"Whatever, fatass. Last but not least, how about you two?"

I took a dramatic stand. "As long as there's Mexican food…I'm totally in."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine... but I'm only doing this for you, Clyde."

Bebe squealed. "So that's everyone! Now what?"

Kenny began ordering us around. "Okay, since Clyde, Craig, and Tweek are the closest ones to Token, your job is to find out when exactly does this cruise thing starts. I'll come too. Everyone else, ask your parental units if you can go, I don't wanna get in trouble or anything, not that I _should_ be worried. Say that it's free. Start packing, we have only the rest of the day to make this plan work. I'll continue after the three find out the time we're leaving. Any questions?"

"Yeah, what actually happens if we get caught?"

"Great question, Kyle. Well, we can't hide from Token forever, so I'm guessing he'll just forgive us and let us come anyways, cause' he's such a nice person. "

"Okay…"

"Any more? Good. Disperse everybody, we got work to do!"

We left shortly after that.

"Kiss, me! K-K-Kiss me! Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison!"

Me, Tweek, Kenny and Craig were driving to Token's house. Well, not house, more like _mansion_, but you get the point. Craig was driving, and the rest of us were hanging on for our dear lives. While singing E.T, of course.

"Take, me! T-t-take me! Wanna be your victim, ready for abduction!"

I couldn't resist rolling down the windows and yelling to people that they were extraterrestrial aliens, but neither did Craig. (It's supernatural, extraterrestrial!) All Tweek did was panic.

"GAH! Slow down, C-Craig! We're gonna DIE!"

"Like that's a problem," Kenny scoffed.

Craig just smirked and continued driving past the speed limit.

"Extraterrestrial!"

/2 songs later/

"JESUS, Craig! W-was your driver's ed teacher _ngh_- on drugs or something?"

"Nope. That would be pretty cool, though."

"Hey, um… does E.T. stand for Extraterrestrial?" I asked. They all stared at me with a look of disbelief. What, I always thought it as the name of this weird alien movie, and it fit the song perfectly! What does extraterrestrial mean, anyways?

Since Token's family was the richest in South Park (Like I said, it might have to do with the fact that his parents are lawyers/chemists) his obviously had the best house as well. It was so huge, I'm sure you can get lost in there. Actually, when we were little, me and the rest of Craig's gang used to play hide-and-seek in his house. I always lost because the seeker bribed me with tacos… either that, or I would wind up in the kitchen.

Anyways, after parking the car, we ran towards the front door and I rang the doorbell 2 times and knocked once- that's how Token would know it's one of us. While waiting, I couldn't help but realize that Kenny was looking around the courtyard with those kicked-puppy eyes, and I felt guilty.

…Yeah, speaking of families, Kenny's wasn't exactly the richest out there. He practically had to live on Pop-Tarts, tap water, and dinners at friend's houses when we don't have school. He wouldn't tell us why, though. Plus, this is his first time here at Black Manor.

Well, this is gonna be one huge awkward turtle…

"Hey, you guys!" said Token, unlocking the glass door. "Oh, hey Kenny. Welcome to my home."

"Sup, Token!" said the blonde, shrugging off the look he had on earlier.

"Come on in," he said. While the others were standing around, I decided to kill the awkward turtle by making my way to the kitchen, whistling as I went. Nothing like some Cheesey Poofs to brighten your day! Oh god, if Cartman has an infomercial… Naw, he would hog all the cheesy goodness to himself.

I swung open the door of the huge shiny refrigerator and I swear I heard angels singing down to me (You know, like in the movies?) Food. Was. Everywhere. ('DUH CLYDE, IT'S A FRIDGE.' said Conscience. WELL NO ONE ASKED FOR _YOUR_ OPINION, CONSICENCE.) Leftover lasagna from Olive Garden! Turkey and cheese Panini's! (Whatever those are.) Lime-rain Gatorade! Unfortunately, I don't see any Mexican food. But- what the truck? Who puts makeup in the fridge? Er, nevermind.

Hey look, there's this mysterious white paper bag that has the word 'WENDY'S' on it! Why would Wendy's food be - Ohhh.

Curiously, I open the bag and find a whole bunch of wrapped packages of something. I wonder what's inside? Eh, probably some chee-

OH MY FISH TACOS.

IT WAS.

A.

_BACONATER._

As much as I'd love to stay and chat I'm busy so have a nice day.

x—No one's POV—x

The rest of the boys were in Token's room, as it was uncomfortable to talk in the living room for some unstated reason.

One thing you should know is that Token's room is, well, _spacious, _but if you're smart you probably assumed that. Moving on…

Kenny was wandering around the room aimlessly, observing it closely. Tweek was just standing, muttering something about gnomes and the Pacific Ocean. Craig was spinning around in Token's desk chair, sound effects not included. Token was perched upon one of those built-in window seats, staring at the sunny atmosphere. And neither of the boys were concerned about Clyde's whereabouts, they already know he's accustomed to the kitchen.

"So, what brings you to my lovely abode?" asked Token, still gazing outside.

"NGH!"

"Eh… just wanted to, you know, hang out?" said Craig, in his most convincing voice. Which wasn't really convincing, considering he was monotone.

"Uh, yeah, we could do stuff like talk…explore your amazing house…and we could play Truth or dare! Huh? Huh? Sounds like a great idea, right, you guys?"

Dead silence.

"Ahem…I said, _right, you guys?"_

"GAH! S-sure? OH JESUS, is this a t-trick question?" said Tweek, sipping more coffee.

"Huh? Oh, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA, KENNY!" said Craig in his monotone voice, but since he was _sooo _terrible at convincing, Token rolled his eyes.

"Great, let's start! Token, you first! Truth or dare?"

Token, rolling his eyes for the second time, eventually decided to just play along.

"Fine, dare."

"Ergh…" _Think, Kenny! Think. _"I…dare you… to pick truth."

"Uh, alrighty then? Truth."

"Great! Now… when does this cruise thing of yours start?" asked Kenny, in a suspicious fashion.

Token narrowed his eyes while Craig was roughly spinning Tweek on the chair. ("GAAAAH!")

"I already told you, I'm leaving on the 15th."

"Of course, I meant …what time does it leave?"

This resulted in Token facepalming, and glaring at Kenny. "Goddammit, Kenny! You _have _to ruin everything, do you? You could've at least waited a day…"

"What are you _talking _about?"

Token sighed, but lightened his expression. Tweek flew out of the spinning chair and hit the wall with a loud crash. ("I'm-NGH! okay!") "As cliché as it sounds, I was going to take you guys with me anyways, as some sort of surprise. Consider it a gift, I suppose. How much of an asshole do you think I am?" He laughed, so did Kenny.

"Well, if you really want me to answer that…"

Token lightly punched him in the shoulder, and after Tweek got up, they laughed again.

"W-Wait… So we don't have to-_ngh-_ sneak in?" he asked.

"_What_?"

"GAH! W-Well you see, Kenny had this –ngh- entire plan a-about how we're gonna-MPH!"

Kenny quickly clasped his hands around the frantic boy's mouth, shutting him up.

"Hey, how about we go tell Clyde the good news?" he grinned sheepishly, backing out the door.

x-X-x

The boys rushed down the tall staircase, Kenny being first. After stepping down the last marble step, they ended up panting for a bit.

"We could've used the elevator, you know," breathed Token.

Kenny shot his head up quickly. "T-There's an _elevator, _and you didn't tell us?"

"Well, I would've if you didn't run down the stairs first!"

"Ladies, ladies! Stop your bickering, we have a short brunette boy to find." said Craig, heading towards the kitchen. The rest eventually followed him.

"Clyde, we hav- Oh my God, they killed Clyde!" Craig gasped. Clyde was sprawled out on the floor, mouth covered in some sort of orange sauce, yellow wrappers everywhere.

"You bastards!" yelled Kenny, shaking his fist in the air.

"Mmmph…so…good…" groaned Clyde, shifting himself on his side.

Craig shook him awake. "BWAH! C-Craig? What happened?"

"That's what I wanted to ask _you."_

Clyde sat up, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "Well, uh, I went down to the kitchen and opened the fridge-"

"Soooo typical."

"Hey! Anyways, I found this bag that said Wendys on it, and I opened it and look what I found!" Clyde picked up a half eaten sandwich. "_Baconater, _bitches!"

Craig was not amused. "Again, sooo typical. Anyways, guess what? You're going on a cruise."

Clyde gasped, dropping the beloved sandwich. "We are? What? When did this happen? Where am I going? You are a _god, _you know that?" Clyde jumped up from the kitchen floor and tightly wrapped his arms around Craig, which alarmed the poor boy. Craig tried to shove him off, but was still trapped in Clyde's death grip.

"Get…_off_…me." he growled, trying loosen the grip.

"Nevah!" squealed Clyde. Craig decided to give up.

Kenny grinned at the two. "What he means is, turns out we didn't have to sneak in- I mean, worry, because our good friend Token here was planning to take us all along! Isn't that just great?"

Clyde let go. "R-Really? Thanks a lot, Token!" The ecstatic boy tried to hug him too, but was stopped in time.

"You're welcome." Token grinned.

"GAH! W-what about the others?" said Tweek, jittering in excitement. Kenny agreed.

"Hang on, I'll text our little friend Kylie."

"Kenny, you don't have a phone…" stated Captain Clyde Obvious.

"Yeah, that's why I'm using _yours._"

"Ohhh."

-x-x- Kyle's POV x-x

"Okay, now solve 9x – 7i 3(3x-7u)," I said.

"What? How am I supposed to solve _that_?" asked Stan, giving me a look. I shrugged at my Super Best Friend with a look of disbelief.

"It's a miracle how you survived math class."

"Yeah, well, that's because I have an awesome tutor, that's why," he said, smiling at me. "But it's the first day of summer, Kyle. Remind me again why we're studying."

I was about to answer when my phone started vibrating. I quickly grabbed it from my desk and read the text message.

_From: Clyde Donovan_

_Subject: IM ON A BOAT_

_Message: heeeey ;]_

From: Kyle Brovfloski

Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT

Message: ….. Yes?

_From: Clyde Donovan_

_Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT_

_Message: hey it's me Kenny. btw, hope you asked your mom already cause we're going on a cruise. be sure to tell your boyfriend, I know he's there. ;p_

From: Kyle Brovfloski

Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT

Message: I should've known, Clyde doesn't hang out with me anyways. And yeah, she actually said yes. What's going on over there? And boyfriend, _really_? Ok, I'll tell my SUPER BEST FRIEND that.

I put down the phone after hitting 'SEND.'

"Hey Stan, Kenny says we're going on a cruise."

"That's nice, Kyle." He said, as he flipped a page of his magazine. Actually, _my _magazine… oh well.

_From: Clyde Donovan_

_Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT_

_Message: sweet! ok, so token says it was supposed to be a surprise and he says he was gonna take us anyways. clyde is eating a baconater and won't share, and tweek is making coffee and craig is watching red racer. tokens house is AMAZING. did you know about the elevator? I want to live here, do you think he'll mind? :p_

"Hey Kyle, who are you texting?"

"Kenny," I told Stan.

"Cool," he replied, going back to reading his magazine. "After that, wanna go play C.O.D?"

"Sure," I said. As much as I loved my friend Kenny, I also loved my Black Ops.

From: Kyle Brovfloski

Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT

Message: So it was all planned out? Guess he wasn't being an ass after all. No, I didn't know about the elevator. And nooo, I reallly don't think he'll mind. Anyways, I gotta go. See you later?

_From: Clyde Donovan_

_Subject: (RE) IM ON A BOAT_

_Message: that's what I said too, haha! token said no, by the way. sad face… why do you lie, kyle. and yeah, see you soon. tell stan I said hi._

I finally put down my phone and faced Stan, who was finished with the magazine and now laying face down on my bed, head buried in Terrance and Philip sheets.

"Kenny says hi, by the way."

He smiled. "Oh, cool. Let's go kill some Nazi zombies."

**A/N** OKAY WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

…On second thought, I think I like it. Do you? If so, wait for chapter 2 or tell me. If not, yell at me. I don't mind XD Uh, I'm aware of the rushed OOC ending, but I didn't know how to end the scene ^.^; I'm sure I'll improve, though. Thanks for actually making it this far! o: But this just the prologue, so nothing really eventful was supposed to happen. Catch ya on the flip side homies! (That sounded a lot cooler in my head.)

~25


	2. Biffles fo' Liffles!

Double Vision

A/N I am so, so sorry/dies. Here's the long awaited chapter you've been looking for.. I hope you're still interested.. THANKYOUTHANKYOU SO MUCH TO THOSE LOVELY REVIEWERS. All of you are amazing. And you guys who faved/alerted this, too. Still amazing. 3 List of pairings will be on the bottom of the story!~ Also, I believe the story is a little bit of an AU…which means OOCness is now normal. ^^

**Warnings: South Park not being mine, the name of the cruise not being mine, somewhat NICE Cartman (le gasp!~) Biffles fo Liffles, guinea pigs, an embarrassed Stan, and 'unreasonable rules.' NOW FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS.**

…**augh, I don't know how to write in Gregory's POV…I need to rewatch his scenes… but until then ENJOY!~**

x—Kenny's POV—x

Okay, two days after the visit to Token's house, we went over to the dock to check out the cruise ship. I sure hope I don't die from happiness, because I never seen anything like this- First of all, the ship was so huge, we didn't have to worry about bringing Cartman along! (Trust me when I say drowning isn't fun.) The S.S. Expensiveshit was _not _your average ship. Aside from being spacious, there's supposed to be a swimming pool, a hot tub in every room, a 24-hour Mexican food buffet (Clyde spazzed out worse than Tweek on caffiene) and according to the brochure I found at the Quik-E mart, all paid guests get free meals all day. And according to Token, we didn't have to pay.

Okay, whaddaya know, I _did _die, went to heaven, and came back.

So, we were all standing outside the dock, with our suitcases and stuff, waiting for the damn captain-person-leader-thingy to let us in so we could eat! I mean, to let us in, cause' I'm tired of standing, yeah.

"Ugh, how much longer?" whined Bebe. "My feet are _killing_ me."

"Then w-why are you wearing h-high heels?" asked Tweek, curious and jittery.

"Because, silly! These aren't just any high heels, they're _Jimmy Choo _high heels!" she explained, or tried to explain.

"GAH! I-I _still don't get it!" _he yelled, while Craig calmed him down.

"Okay, Tweek. Breathe in, breathe out." he patted his back while Tweek gulped down more coffee. Suddenly, a man with shaggy black hair and a tacky captain's uniform came out of the ship. He was holding a megaphone. Oh wait, isn't he-

"Does this thing work? Testing, 1, 2- Oh, good afternoon my people! Attention everyone! My name is Captain Marsh and I'm on a boat! But please, feel free to call me Randy!"

Okay, at times like this I wish I had a camera, because the look on Stan's face was _priceless. _

"_W-What_? This cannot be happening to me! Dad, what the hell?" said Stan, an embarrassed look on his face. We cracked up, Cartman being the loudest.

"Oh god, you've gotta be _shitting_ me!" he snorted.

"Oh, hey son! I didn't expect to see you here! Everyone, this is my son, Stan Marsh! Wave to my people, Stanley!"

Stan hid behind Kyle as the crowd laughed at his embarrassed face, including me. Look, I'm sorry, but you should've been there! His face probably put a tomato to shame!

"Alrighty then! All of you were assigned to a cabin, the room number is printed on your ticket. Also, you should've gotten a key or something, so you might wanna look out for that. All guests will receive free meals (TOLD YA!) and will have access to many of our services, such as mini-golf or the swimming pool. Animals, drinking while driving, and smoking are definitely not allowed, of course. The rest you'll have to see for yourselves. Step right up and I hope you enjoy your stay at SS Expensiveshit!"

We were pretty far back in line, and the people moved ahead gradually, so we decided to converse while waiting.

"No drinking while driving? We're on a _cruise ship, _for the love of- Ugh! He always does this, embarrassing me, this time might've been a little too far!"

"It's okay Stan, he won't be bothering us, he'll be busy navigating the ship, right? So he won't- wait a minute, your dad's _controlling _this thing? Oh god…" Kyle almost facepalmed, not doing a great job of staying on the positive side.

"O-Oh hamburgers, you guys! This'll be fun, you'll see! I mean, now that you think about it, none of us actually been on a cruise before, right?" said Butters, trying to help the situation.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right, Butters. Not to be rude or anything, but why are you here again? I thought you were afraid you'll get grounded or something." said Wendy.

"O-oh, well, Kenny said I should! And my parents were actually _glad_ I was leaving for a while," he replied. Yup, he's right, I didn't want him to get all lonely or anything, not that I cared.

As the line shortened, and we were almost to the ship, I couldn't help but think of who I'll hang out with during the whole trip. I mean, Stan's got Kyle, Wendy probably hates me (Which I really don't get because I'm Kenny McCormick, _every _girl loves me! Maybe it's because I tried to grope her on the way to history class…), Butters might be around Tweek considering they're both loners (actually, I shouldn't be talking), and Craig has his little 'gang'. That leaves out Cartman, and _no way in hell _am I hanging out with _Cartman _the whole time!Sure, we kinda got along when we were little, but…he's Cartman…yeah…

Fine. He'll be like, Plan Z or something. Anyways…

Wait a minute, I forgot about Bebe. Why haven't I thought of it before, we're practically twins! She loves partying, I love partying. She's labeled as a whore (even though she's not), I don't need a label! I'm pretty sure she likes me, too… I think. Oh would you look at that, we're next in line! And apparently the conversation was about how llamas were related to alpacas. Yeah, I don't know either.

x-No POV-x

12 room keys, 2 arguments and 1 bitch-slap later…

The entire group went off to find their rooms, except for Cartman, who wasn't paying much attention. When they left him, he was outraged, furious…and worst of all, confused.

"Great, now how the _fuck _am I supposed to know where they are?" He thought. He could ask for directions, but that would've been embarrassing. The fatass (I'm BIG BONED, JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST! Stupid author…) decided to find out where the rooms are by himself, to prevent humiliation.

"Okay, maybe you go through there…oh wait, I've been there already, okay maybe- hold up, that's the restaurant. Gotta remember _that _for later, though. Maybe- aw damnit, I'm lost!"

He said the last part out loud, earning a few stares. He didn't give two shits, though, and continued walking until he found a guy reading a book. That's what caught his eye- I mean, who reads in a cruise ship, anyways? Does he not see the arcade, swimming pool, movie theater, and other various forms of entertainment?

"Eh, what a loner." Shrugging, Cartman decided to ask him for help, because 1, he was getting sick of looking like an idiot, and 2, he wanted to make fun of him.

"Hey, you. With the chick novel."

The guy reading had pitch black hair, uncovering his face by removing the book. He looked slightly annoyed.

"What?"

"Um. Do you know where the rooms are?"

The other boy huffed. "Why are you asking _me? _And there's a map near the restaurant, you know. I would've expected you to see it…how sad."

Cartman grew red. "HEY! I am NOT fat, I'm _big-boned! _And just tell me, you asshole!"

"Fine, fine. Go through that hallway, take a right. Keep going until you reach the end of the boat. Turn right again and _ta-da, _you're there. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying to finish my novel _in peace_."

"Okay then…thanks, er, I never got your name- HOLY SHIT IS THAT YOU?" Cartman forgot about asking for directions and stared miraculously as the other boy, mouth wide open.

Damien, however, just laughed in disbelief. "I was hoping you'd figure out sooner or later. I don't look THAT different, do I?"

Cartman's brain still repeated _"No fucking way"_ over and over, still shocked.

"But..but.. I can't believe you're here! On the same cruise as me! How likely is _that? _No fucking WAY!" he said, unable to contain his joy. Eventually, they man-hugged, asking eachother why they're here and how fate loved them so and where had the other been. In case you haven't already noticed, Damien and Cartman got along quite well because they have devious minds(and no other frien- I mean what). They always hung out in school, until Damien had to go back to Hell to take over his father's place as King of Evil himself. Apparently being Satan was such a _tedious_ job, and he took a 'short' vacation. Damien had to take over until he came back, which was a couple months. Stupid Satan and his stupid conventions…

"I'm here because no one else in South Park took me seriously…plus, a little vacation couldn't hurt, could it?"

"Nope! I'm here because Token's sharing his fortune for once! Man, I wish _I _could have that much money…"

Another sly grin appeared on the devil's face. "Hmm… how about we _both _make some money of our own?"

Cartman grinned as well. "Now THIS is what I'm talkin' about! That's it, from this day on, we're going to be BIFFLES FO' LIFFLES, you hear me?"

"Yes, yes! And we'll show those fools that we CAN be terrible!" said Damien, fist-bumping the other boy before both of them heading towards the cabins. "Erm, what exactly is a 'biffle,' anyways?"

"Okay, it stands for BFFFL, which stands for BEST FRIENDS FOR FUCKING LIFE!" yelled Cartman, still unaware of the people staring at him.

"Ah, I see. Now how about you unpack, and I'll tell you about my little money-making scheme?"

Cartman sniffled. "T-this could be the start…of a beautiful new friendship…"

Damien cackled, putting his arm around him. "But Cartman, it already started!"

They both maliciously cheered and went towards Cartman's room to plan out their evil deeds.

x-Craig's POV-x

"Okay, there you go…"

I watched my little guinea pig scurry around happily in the cage. Poor Stripe, she had to be stuffed in my hoodie for a while. I'm surprised she didn't suffocate…

"HEY EVERYONE I'M HEREEE!" yelled Clyde as he rushed through the door. Stripe scurried around some more, picking up the pace.

"Shut _up_, you're annoying her. And not because of your face this time." I scoffed.

"Heey, you brought him? And there's nothing wrong with my face! You're just _jealous_ that the chicks don't dig you as much as they love me." Clyde walked into his room with a smug grin. I rolled my eyes.

"First of all, Stripes a girl. I just said that, dumbass. Second of all, of course I had to! There's no one back home to take care of her, really. And they don't 'dig' you; they just want you to buy them shoes."

Clyde gasped dramatically, earning another eyeroll from me. "C-Craig! How could you say that! We're _bros!" _

I just continued setting up the cage, after flipping him off.

"Shouldn't you be with Kevin or something?"

Clyde scoffed. "You're just trying to get rid of me! Oh, and he's unpacking. RIGHT KEV?" he said/yelled.

It was that moment I decided to not even bother continuing the conversation. Clyde decided to leave me and Token's room. Our entire area is split into 3 separate areas- there were 2 bedrooms, 2 people per room. In the middle was just a living room. There was a TV in every room. As long as I get my Red Racer marathon (personal space wouldn't hurt, either,) I really didn't care.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to secretly cuddle with my baby until someone walks in.

-Gregory's POV-(accents not written, sorry)

"Christophe, put that out right now! You know you can't smoke here!"

The taller male sighed, but put it out anyways.

"I don't see why not, such an _unreasonable_ rule!" I rolled my eyes.

"Remind me why I am here again?" he said, after getting rid of the cigarette.

I grinned. "You're on this cruise because _you_ have been working way too hard! Seriously, you never relax! And you won't even tell me your job, making this harder for me. So that's why _you're _going to have fun for once!"

"But my work _is _fun!" he groaned.

"Well, what do you do?"

"That is classified!" I sighed.

"Fine! Hey, where's the map? I don't even know where our room is." I said, looking around the ship. He rummaged through his pockets.

"I thought you had it?"

"What, I gave it to- Oh great. I guess I'll go ask someone for directions, then. Be right back."

I kept walking around until I found 2 guys that looked my age, they were both carrying armfuls of snacks.

"So…what do these Cheesy Poofs have to do with our plan?" asked the one with black hair.

"Psh, Cheesy Poofs are like the answer to life, man! Oh, and it's because I can't think on an empty stomach, that's why!" said the fat one.

"I would facepalm, but my arms are full." replied his friend.

"Ey!" said the fat one again.

I approached them, trying not to stare at the massive amount of snacks they got.

"Excuse me, I was wondering if you know where the rooms are?" I asked politely.

"Uh, yeah we're going there right now actuall- WOAH HOLD UP! IS THAT YOUR FRIEND BACK THERE?"

"The one with a ciga- Wait a minute! Oh, I mean- him? Yes, why?"

Unfortunately I had no time to finish, he was already running towards Chris. The guy with black hair (and..are those _red eyes_?) looked just as confused as I was. We both shrugged and decided to go after his friend.

"No way! Just, no way! TWO in one day? I totally hit the jackpot! Fate DOES love me! SUCK IT KAHL! Mole, I can't believe you're here!"

"Chris, do you know him?" I asked, still confused. He grinned.

"Oui. When I went to South Park, I met him and became acquaintances. His name is-"

"Eric Cartman, baby! But please, call me Cartman. Oh and also, we weren't 'acquaintances', we were freaking _buddies!_ Who are you?"

Okay, so they did know eachother. "I'm Gregory, pleased to meet you. Who's ...he?"

"Okay guys, I want you to meet my biffle fo' liffle Damien. He's, like, one of the only people who's good enough to be MAH friend! Oh, you too Mole! Just don't piss him off and you're good to go!"

Damien cackled (Okay, his red eyes are seriously freaking me out). "Nice to meet you both…but like he said, it would be wise not to 'piss me off'."

Cartman grinned again, "See? We're all gonna get along! Say, why don't we include Mole here in our _plan?" _ he nudged Damien.

"Yes, yes, but that depends on how devious you are," he replied.

"Oh trust me, he's devious alright. Did you know he has a shovel with him at all times? And I mean all times! And you wouldn't BELIEVE how much fun his job is!" We all glanced at Chris. He smirked.

Wait, this guy knows about his job? Why didn't Chris tell me? I thought we told eachother everything! Oh well, I'm used to the feeling of being excluded. But what does that guy have that I don't?

_Shut up, Gregory. You sound like a teenage girl._

"Hmm…Close enough, I suppose. Now hurry up and unpack, you two, and we'll meet back in Cartman's room to discuss our plans. It's Room 125, by the way. See you soon!" Damien grinned evilly while he and Cartman walked back to his room, still carrying snacks. I sighed.

Maybe I should've gotten us plane tickets instead…

**a/n OKAY. I hope that was good enough! :D Feel free to leave ANY suggestions, reviews, or ****preferably, your own cruise adventures!**** Cause um, I actually never been on one. ._. So I have to rely on pictures and other people's experiences to make this sorta realistic…heh…**

**If I didn't mention this, this WILL have a main plot but won't stay in one setting. For example, Craig and Clyde could have a fight in Chapter 3, but it lasts all the way to Chapter 5. (don't worry they won't actually have a fight XD I hope…) Each chapter is either a new destination or the cruise ship, usually alternating. **

**I don't wanna give out the **_**whole**_** pairing list because I like surprises, but if you ****ask me about a pairing or tell me your OTP, ****I'll tell you if they're in the story or not, and if it's one-sided or a full relationship! c: I may even squeeze in moments for your OTP! :D But only if you ask~ **

**Have a nice day and THANK YOU for reading!~**


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